When I first started to analyze Serena and her relationships on GG, I thought she was going to be pretty easy (no pun intended). I mean how hard is it to analyze a bubbly Manhattan socialite with no goals? It was pretty easy to write her off as a slut, a horrible friend, and has parental issues that exceed beyond the norm.

I have to admit that I was actual annoyed to write about her. Serena’s character is this rollercoaster that doesn’t stop to take breaks, in other words her character is very much under developed. It irks me that she has no sense of direction in life (the show) and we’re just suppose to gravitate towards her because she the leading lady. I mean she’s really hard to root for. The writers are making damn sure that by the end of this series—and I mean series—she’ll just be some floozy with a great rack, I mean personality.

But if this post was going turn into some greater understanding of why Serena character is treated with such carelessness, then I have to stop myself from going in that direction. I mean that’ll take forever and I not trying to bore you dear readers.

So after getting past most of my irritation, I started to think all the relationship this particular character ever had, whether it was long term or short term. Let me tell you she’s a step below Chuck Bass, like literally she’s right behind him. Granted she’s a few men short from reaching her goal.

First things first, most of slutty-Serena was pre-Series (anytime from when she was at Constance before Junior year to Boarding School), somewhat Season 2, post-season 2, and now post-season 3. We don’t get to see her over-the-top whore-ish ways, but it’s heavily implied. I don’t know about you about I hate when things are implied on the show. It makes for random assumption that may or may not be true. So this is my point, the number of guys she’s been with is unknown which makes it a bit hard to analyze those (I’m not though). So I’m only doing the ones that we have visibly seen.

Thank you Je t’adore for helping me analyze this girl and her MANY partners.

Serena/Anyone that she has been with: (Officially)

Dan: Oh where to begin with this pair? Well let’s start from the beginning.

One key note: I wanted to write Dan first because let’s face aside from Nate; he has the most history with her. Plus this was the last person she hooked up with if you wanted to get technical.

Darena goes way pass the Pilot as evident in ‘Blair Waldorf Must Pie’. Then came the essay that Dan wrote for Serena entitled “10-08-05”. There were a lot of little hints that Dan was either obsessed with Serena or completely “in love” with her. It really depends on who you’re talking to.

Now, I can say their entire history but I’ll just stick with some main points. Or at least try to.

I just want to point out that I was a fan of theirs because they did start off as the show’s OTP (no matter what Josh and CO may have said about Chair always being number one, really he’s full of crap). I love their simplistic nature and the flow that they had around each other because regardless of how boring this pair may have turned out they did have a great scene or two.

Here’s what happened: The writer’s. They have a constant need to have them break up and go back together. It was drama for the sake of having drama. Completely and unnecessary, but hey it’s just one person perspective. After two WHOLE seasons of dealing with will they won’t they I was done. Now I can easily do a quick comparison to Chair, but that would be insulting my OTP.

There’s also the small and tedious fact that Rufus and Lily dated like a million years ago (ok 20 years ago) and refuse to let go of each other. Oh that’s right they’re share a sibling, oh and Dan’s too judgmental, Serena’s has an extremely large past, Dan slept with her English teacher, Serena got “married”, their parents got married… Do you see where I’m going with this?

The writer’s dub them “You don’t belong together couple, but we’re going to keeping trying anyways to bored the audience to tears”.

I just think there comes a point in time and have a sit with the moronic writers and say “Look I know you like reusing story lines, I understand, but it’s not working and the audience is not buying whatever it is that your trying to sell. Please look at Nair for reference.”

And yes I just compared Nair to Derena because after trying so long to work they both have an EPIC FAILURE on their foreheads.

Nate: *Sighs*They should have been gold. They should have worked. They have a GREAT couple name, for goodness sake. They were Barbie and Ken, Ken and Barbie, Serenate. Maybe they were too beautiful together. Lol No, they weren’t but it was still funny to type.

What angers me about them is that they were the AU (sort of couple) that should have happened in season 1. And it took the writers 3 seasons  to get them together so they can ultimately break up? Come on. Lazy writing, I tell you.

Now let’s go back to the beginning for a brief moment to where the problems began:

Ok so maybe sleeping with your bestie boyfriend wasn’t your finest – what hour, half-hour? And maybe they should come clean from the beginning, but hey she’s Serena van der Woodsen and he’s Nate Archibald, not really known for being honest. Oh and Serena coming back 6 months later only reveal that she really doesn’t want Nate? Or at least pretend that things go “back to normal”.

Plus, it’s probably not the best way to start a relationship, when you know, you’re still with someone else. Then Nate confessing his undying love for Serena (well to masked Jenny—whore) and he has the nerve to deny it and blame it on his girlfriend. Oh dear that was only season 1.

Moving forward: Serenate “pretends” to date (which is a shame, really) and have a hot make out session, which causes Nate to end up with Catherine and Serena to end up Dan. Oh yeah that makes loads of sense. And then they are back to being friends? Who now have double dates with their respected partners and laugh at really bad jokes. All awhile offering each other really bad advice on the one thing they both truly do not understand: love.

They have a little spat (no not lover’s spat, not yet anyways) over a picture, a poker game, and Carter. All things that make no sense together.

Then enters evil congressman (who is related to Nate) and sweeps the girl of Nate’s dreams away. Mind you that he didn’t realized he loved her until he Tripp entered the picture. When they’re at some random bar they go back to the “original bar story” and goes on describing how awesome they were for like two seconds. Apparently Serena’s not buying it and now Nate wait on the sidelines for what seems to be the Nth billion time.

Ultimately good triumph over evil? Nate gets the girl of his dreams, and all is well with the GG world. Wrong! Because there’s the trust issue, a drug dealer issues, a Jenny issues, and nark on Daddy issue, Mommy dying issue, oh and a Carter issue, Dan issue, umm Chair issue… Well you get the point. I’m not going to say these were all Serena’s fault, it take two people to mess up. But in most cases this was goes out to Serena for having really stupid issues on this show.

Plus, Nate loves her (and a few others) but he finally gets his chance with Serena and she what? Makes out with Dan because Nate narc on her father? I mean she makes things with Nate more complicated than they should be. Nate’s a pretty simple guy who wants to be informed and respected. Kind of hard to do when you let your girlfriend step all over you. Just saying.

Now mind you had someone told me last season that “Nate deserves better” I would have told you that have you seen the list of people he’s slept with or made out with? But after thinking things over Je t’adore, you are right and Poor Archibald deserves someone else. Bring on womanizer Nate.

So Serenate recap: “tool/cheater/bitch/barbie/ken/dumb…” lol

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Since this post overanalyzed, I literally had to split it into two post because was far too long. Please enjoy   Oh I decided on doing something different with the Serena post because I wanted to show the many men in her life (couple -wise). Oh the pictures don’t belong to me (of course), I actually just Google’d it and picked the one I liked the most.